Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Things I never thought I would have to say...

As a mom we are all guilty of being reduced to a babbling, nonsense talking idiot from time to time when it comes to our kids.  My kids have the power to do this with very little effort.  My response to whatever they just did is usually something like this, "How...what the...but...why did...for the love of...*sigh*", and for added confusion I can never remember the name of the child standing there trying to look innocent lol.  While this is rather amusing to anyone that isn't directly involved in the situation it is totally frustrating to me.  THEN you have those moments that you have to say things that shouldn't even be in the same sentence together let alone having to tell this little person these things.  You would think it would be common sense not to eat a sandwich while pooping, but for some reason it's not and I find myself saying things like this at least once a day.  Here is a list of some of my all time favorites.

*  Don't bite the dog

* Just because the dog licks you does not mean you should lick the dog....I don't care if you are kissing him back that's gross and we don't use our tongue to kiss

* Don't pick your nose at the table.

*Don't put boogers in your brothers milk, no it won't turn it green

* Stop trying to pee on your brother

* Why do you insist on peeing out of the top of the tree?  And please stop using your brother as a target!

* Stop undressing your sisters barbies.  No barbies boobies aren't real and stop squeezing them

* Your brother is not to be used for target practice, neither is your sister

* We don't eat sandwiches, or any other food while pooping

* (talking about my tampons)  Those are not fishing poles and you aren't going to find any fish in the potty

*(talking about my pantyliners) Those are not wallpaper

* What possessed you to pee in the trashcan?

*  Poop is not fingerpaint, please stop wiping it on the bathroom walls

* Don't try to put your penis down the drain while the water is draining out

These are just a few of my favs, ther are MANY MANY MANY more of them but I'm drawing a blank at the moment as to what they are.  I'm sure I will add more of these as time goes on.  The stories behind these are pretty funny but without being able to tell them in person they tend to lose something in translation.  I hope you got at least a giggle from them.  :)

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