Wednesday, July 25, 2012

hospitals suck even more on the 2nd day...

So we are still here at the hospital with no answers...neither one of us are happy about still being here but theres not much I can do at this point so we wait.  I was sitting here this evening thinking about which Dr's came in today and who is who and who specializes in what and all that and I realized that there are 11 Dr's working on figuring out whats going on with my little worm.  While it makes me feel better that there are so many of them trying to figure it out it also terrifies me that they need so many to get to the bottom of it.  I would think that if it were something simple that it wouldn't take 11 Dr's to figure it out and fix it, but I didn't go to medical school so i could be TOTALLY wrong on that one.  So here's what I know so far.  They want to draw a bunch of blood for a shit ton of tests, so much that they cant take it all at once they have to break it down over 2 or 3 days, they want a urine sample so they are going to cath him, they want to do an ultrasound of his liver to see if they can see anything visibly wrong with it and we are currently still breastfeeding and I am now pumping after he nurses and feeding it to him in a bottle after the next feeding.  They seem to think that since he is a lazy latcher that hes not getting enough hindmilk and too much foremilk, and if that's all that it is then I will be a very happy momma!  He had his weight checked today and he didn't gain anything but he didn't lose either which is great!  Hopefully tomorrow we will see a gain and they will let us out of here.  So as of now that's all that I know.  I will update again when I know more I promise.

I must say that this is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.  When Miss Priss was going through this it was far easier, she just wasn't gaining weight, she never had lab work that came back abnormal or anything like that, she just wouldn't grow.  Mr Worm is not only not gaining weight but hes got abnormal blood work and no one has any clue as to why yet.  The waiting is killing me.  The not knowing is pure torture!  It is such a helpless feeling to know that your child has something going on with them and there is nothing you can do about it.  I want to cry and let all these emotions out.  To finally ease the pain in my chest but I am scared if I do I wont be able to be strong again.  The past 2 days have been a whirl of Dr's and needles and questions without answers and so much going on I don't have time to worry while its all going on, its at night when its pretty quiet and there aren't people running in and out constantly that I want to just cry.  I want to make it all better for him and I cant.  I want to know why my baby cant be perfect like the other babies.  They say that God never gives you more than you can handle.  I call bull shit on that one!!  There is only so much one person can handle before they crack.  Yes it is my job as a parent to be strong for my kids and I will to the best of my ability because I want to make them feel safe, I want them to know that mommy is ALWAYS there for them.  My question is, who is going to be strong for me?  I need someone to be strong for me for a minute while I cry and let it alllllllllll out so I can continue to be strong for them.  I don't want my kids to see me in my moment of weakness, and they wont, but its pretty damn hard to keep the smile on my face while on the inside i am weeping for what my precious baby is having to go through.

So a bit of a change of tone here, earlier we got a new room mate in here, a little boy who is post op.  They weren't here an hour when I accidentally walked in the bathroom on his mom lolol.  There are no locks on the bathroom door in the rooms up here, i guess so some kid doesn't accidentally lock himself in?  I needed to rinse out my breast pump stuff and the only place to do it is the bathroom, so i knocked on the door and waited a second, no answer, so i opened the door and as soon as i opened it she said "someones in here!"  Well no shit, i see that now, why the fuck didn't you say that when i knocked on the door?!  So I came to the conclusion that women look fuckin helpless when we are on the toilet.  Most women sit there with their pants down to their knees(or ankles), hunched over like we are trying to hide our lady bits with our tits, and looking up right at the door.  It's like we are waiting on some one to bust through the door and catch us in this vulnerable position or something.  Its pretty funny to see when you think about it lol.  But since i walked in on her in the bathroom I cant seem to look at her when we are both out from behind our respective curtains.  It just seems wrong ya know.  

Anyways, I am going to get off here and attempt to read until Mr Worm wakes up again, I'm in for another long night since the kid in here seems to be awake now and the TV over there is on Elmo and loud as hell.  Not only that but this fold out chair is uncomfortable as hell and the nurse is due to come in again soon.
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Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Hospitals suck...

It's been awhile since I have had a chance to really update and I totally feel like shit about it, sorry guys.  It's been a crazy week and showing no signs of getting any better ugh.  I'll start with last Tuesday.  Mr. Worm had his 2 month appointment last week and he's doing great developmentally, but he's not growing like they think he should so they sent him to have blood work done and we had to go back Friday for a weight check.  When we went back for the weight check he had gained 3 ounces which is GREAT!  But his liver enzymes were elevated, the Dr told me she wasn't too worried about it but she wanted us to come back today for another weight check and to have blood drawn again to see if his levels were still high.  So we went back today and he had only gained 1/2 an ounce so she skipped having blood drawn again and sent him to be admitted into the hospital.  They have already drawn blood and I know that his levels have gone up even more than where they were last week.  So here I sit worried sick and unable to do anything to make it better.  It's a really helpless feeling knowing that something is wrong with your perfect child and you have no idea what it is that is going on or how to make it better.  I desperately want to yell at the dr's and tell them that they need to try to figure this out NOW not tomorrow, not the day after that but RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!!  Y'all say some prayers for me and my precious little worm please.
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Saturday, July 14, 2012

Vaccinations the never ending debate...

I know this is a hot topic and a touchy subject but I'm going to give my opinion on it like it or not.
There are studies out there that supposedly link some vaccinations to autism and its scaring parents so they don't want to get their kids vaccinated. Then there are the parents that say they don't want Jr getting pumped full of god knows what chemicals. And finally you have the religious people that opt out for religious purposes. In my opinion the only people that have a half ass legit reason to opt out are those with religious reason. The rest of you are morons. Lets start with the autism thing. For every one study that links autism to vaccinations there are 10 that disprove it. The reason there has been a rise in cases of autism is because they broadened the spectrum not because Jr got a shot to prevent him from getting a possibly life threatening illness.
To those of you that don't want to pump Jr full of chemicals, what the fuck do you think you are doing every time you feed him?!  All the bull shit that companies put into the food we eat every day and your going to worry about a shot to prevent your kid from getting some horrible disease? Really?!  Shut the fuck up!  Even if you feed them organic food you are still giving them water which has chemicals in it. Hell letting them breathe is putting chemicals into their bodies with all the pollution in the air!
To the ones of you that don't vaccinate for religious reasons. Good for you for following what your religion deems appropriate. But I would still have my kids vaccinated because I would hate for my child to meet God too soon because I didn't want to give them a shot that could prevent it.
The reason not many of the kids that aren't vaccinated aren't getting these illnesses is because those of us that do vaccinate our kids. Its the herd effect. Unfortunately there are so many kids that aren't vaccinated now, and the numbers are steadily rising, that it won't be long before we start seeing these things make a comeback and kids are going to start dying. The few can't protect the many for long. Sadly, parents are arguing that these diseases are eradicated and that there isn't even the slimmest possibility that we are going to see a rise in cases of them.  Sorry sweetie but you are oh so wrong on that one too.  The reason we don't see kids, or adults, with these things is because WE VACCINATE!! The medical industry has done everything they can to protect us from these things and now all you morons refuse to do it.  Don't get me wrong, I don't exactly trust the medical field when it comes to a lot of things and I damn sure don't go running to the doctor every time one of my kids gets the sniffles, nor do I trust the government fully(and that's who funded all the trials of these vaccinations) but I can put aside all of my mistrusts and get my kids shots that will prevent them from suffering with illnesses that could kill them or seriously fuck them up and cause them to suffer for the rest of their lives.  These shots have been around for years and years, some were around when my dad was a child, and he's 51!  Haven't seen any adverse effects from them in all this time have we?  Kids weren't getting diagnosed with autism all the time back then were they?  Maybe it isn't the shots after all?  Honestly, and this may piss some of you off, and if I do I am truly sorry because I know this is a sensitive subject, but I don't think that a of of the kids that are diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, autism, ODD and the number of other mental disorders that they have now, truly have it.  I think it's an easy way to explain Jr's bad behavior and the parent's lack of discipline.  It's easier to medicate them than it is to correct a bad behavior.  Am I saying that this is the case all the time, absolutely not, but I think that it is a very common occurrence.  My oldest has been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, anxiety and mild depression.  OK, I'll agree with the ADHD because I see how he acts, I see all the classic signs of it.  I will agree with the anxiety because I see it in him.  Depression, maybe, he's had a rough start to life and he's a lot like his father, who sees the negative in everything and has no idea how to handle it.  ODD?  Not hardly.  ODD is a nice way of saying that your child is stubborn if they do not truly have it.  My son doesn't have ODD, hes exactly like his parents, stubborn as all hell and won't listen to a damn thing unless you answer 100000000000 questions as to why.  Another reason I know he doesn't have it is because a child with ODD does not comply easily when they don't want to do what they are being told to do, or will do what they want to regardless of consequences.  My son will do what he is told to most of the time, its when he is in a bad mood that he CHOOSES not to.  He's a CHILD and I can't, and don't, expect him to be perfect or good all the time.  That's what parents don't understand, kids are going to be kids, they are going to push limits and get into trouble for no other reason than to see how far they can go before mom or dad has had enough.  It's all part of being a kid!  Parents expect their kids to act like little adults at very young ages now and that's part of why they are rebelling.  LET THEM BE KIDS PEOPLE!!!  OK, so I went a bit off topic there, please forgive me.
I am off here to watch my kids run around the yard like little heathens and get dirty.
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So I was sitting outside enjoying a little "mommy time out time" and reading some little stories and such on the net when i came across one about men spanking women. Not for sexual gratification but as punishment. I would post a link to the story but my phone won't let me. Anyways, the story was based off a newspaper article from the late 50's and every man they interviewed said that women should be spanked if they are out of line. So after reading this I did a quick search and found several articles on the subject and its becoming a more popular way of "dealing" with relationship issues when the man feels the woman is out of line. Now don't get me wrong, I have no problem with being spanked for sexual gratification but as punishment...I don't think so.  Im an adult and I am more than aware of what is right and wrong. Forgive me if I'm wrong but the purpose of spanking is to correct bad behavior and let a child know that whatever they have done is serious enough to warrent a punishment that they will remember. The reason parents resort to spanking is because all other punishments have failed to teach them that what they are doing is wrong and kids seem to forget what they are told fairly quickly. As an adult we are able to have a conversation, be told what we did wrong and correct the behavior on our own. It sounds to me like these women that are being spanked are involved in a D/s relationship and are allowing it to happen.  More power to them if that is the type of relationship that they want to be in and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that if it makes them happy.  Honestly this is the only logical answer I can come up with as to why these women are allowing men to spank them as punishment.  Maybe it has something to do with the newest reading craze, 50 Shades of Grey.  I mean lets face it ladies, these books are HOT!  But that doesn't mean that we need to do whats in the book does it?  I don't know, I may be wrong with both of my guesses and it's just something that these people feel like they need to do *shrugs* to each their own I suppose.  I would love to hear opinions on this one if you have one.
I'm off to work on finishing another post that I have been procrastinating on.  As always comments are always welcome and please share my page with your friends <3

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Ya learn something new everyday...

So we are going to get a bit personal with this one and i am going to ttell y'all what I learned tonight. So here it goes.
I have a rather extensive collection of adult toys and since I have children I have to hide them. While trying to figure out the best hiding place for them I tried to think of how likely or unlikely it would be that they would find them. So after thinking long and hard about it I decided to hide them in my pajama drawer. Its the middle drawer on my dresser, at the top so they are less likely to open it and stuffed so full(I have a rather extensive collection of jammies, thank you Grandma) you can barely open it.  Perfect place to hide them!  So i stuffed them all in the very back of the drawer between my winter jammies and that's where they stay until I need them. Great hiding place right?  Wrong!  Last time I had a moment to myself to be able to use said toys one of my children woke up and came knocking on my door so i quickly put it back in its proper hiding place and made a mental note to take it out after I got my kid back to bed.  Three hours later I sleepily stumbled back to my room and passed out, forgetting to clean my toy. Its been about 2 weeks since that happened and i had completely forgotten about that night until I got my jammies on tonight. Im chilly tonight so i decided to wear a pair of jammie pants not my typical boxers so i reached to the back of the drawer and grabbed a pair and put them on, still not thinking about the incident 2 weeks ago, I walked into the living room and sat down and after a minute or so i smelled something that reminded me of rubber and sex. I got up and searched around thinking that there was something in the room and couldn't find it!  So i gave up and went outside for a few minutes and i smelled it again!  Then it dawned on me...its my freakin pants!!!  It was then that I remembered what had happened and that I had totally forgotten about it.  Moral of the story ladies, don't hide your play toys in a drawer with clothes and always remember to clean them when you are finished using them!  Now before y'all go thinking that my lady bits stink or something I will assure you that they do not, the toy was in the middle of these particular pants kind of wrapped in them. 
Well I'm off here, I have things to do while worm is asleep and the older 3 are gone for the night. As always comments are always welcome and please share my page with your friends <3

Thursday, July 5, 2012

2 hours later...

Well, its been 2 hours since my last update and the boys are still cleaning their room...well supposed to be anyway...miss priss finally figured out that I'm more stubborn than she is(woohoo!) and has her room almost finished and i have managed to get worm to sleep and get a load of laundry and a load of dishes started AND my living room is almost finished!  I stopped to make the kids lunch but then I thought about it and decided to wait because none of them have said anything about being hungry yet and I'm scared if i stop them they won't start again. So here I sit debating on what to do. My goal for today....keep what little sanity I have left and get the living room and bathroom cleaned. Half way there baby! Well...sort of...
Im off again to always comments are always welcome and please share my page with your friends <3

Come on guys its only 10:15!!!

Man oh man is it promising to be an interesting day. Its only 10:15 in the morning and the kids are already braindead. Lets see I was woken up at 6am by miss priss trying to shove my boob in worms mouth. Sadly this isn't the first time she has done this and i have learned that boobs are incredibly streatchy. From her attempts to feed her brother he was getting pissed because he couldn't reach it and she was getting pissed because she couldn't feed him. While all of this is happening(maybe a minute or 2 before I was fully awake enough to grasp what the hell was going on) I let down. This caused worm to get sprayed in the face and start screaming, miss priss to get grossed out and my shirt and sheet to get wet. Oh yay more laundry!  Typically when we get up in the morning I have enough time to pee, get dressed and change and dress worm before he starts fussing to eat. Not this morning, this morning I had to feed him before doing any of that which has totally thrown me off. So after worm was fed we got dressed and i got the kids something to eat. They eat breakfast in the living room at fold out trays so they know to get their trays out when i start to get their breakfast ready. For some unknown reason sitting in the middle of the couch is the seat they all want so its usually an argument which is pretty senseless since its in rotation. This morning it was monsters turn. Miss priss didn't like hearing that and threw a toy at him and he got hit just under his eye. Since it was early as hell in the morning he chose to be all dramatic about it and grabbed his face and fell on the floor and started screaming like he was being skinned alive. Miss priss got her hand popped and was made to stand in the corner for throwing the toy at him and then made to apologize. Finally the 3 of them are sitting down and eating quietly woohoo!  Naturally that can't last long so they start getting goofy and loud which causes a try to be knocked over and a bowl of cereal to go flying all over the living room *sigh*.  Once that is cleaned up and they have eaten I tell them they need to clean their rooms so off they go to pick up. Not 3 minutes after the boys are in their room I hear them starting to argue, which turns into a fight. Call me a bad mom if you want but I just let em do their thing. Siblings have to fight it out once in awhile and there's no better day than today. Its been building up for a long time and needed to happen to get it done and over with. It sounded something like this....Bub- ouch stop it! Monster - you started it! Bub - kk gonna punch you in the balls! Monster - I'll kick your butt! Bub hits monster. Monster - you jerk! And he hits Bub. From there it was just a bunch of ows and stop its and such. They finally stopped and both came running down the hall to tell on each other. Both of them had red marks all over them and I'm pretty sure Bub will have a black eye BUT they are getting along now so it worked. Since their fight they have been banished to their room until its cleaned...translation...they are coming out of their room every 30 fucking seconds for one reason or another and not cleaning it. Not that I am complaining too much because it's REALLY fucking hot outside and i have no desirnto be out there today. But I would still very much like their room to be picked up. Miss priss is in a battle of wills with me. Who is more stubborn me or her?  She seems to think she shouldn't have to pick up her room and she's sadly mistaken on that one. She's currently sitting in her bedroom floor playing with the loudest toys she could find and I'm ignoring it. When she comes out she's sent back to go clean up and the cycle has been going on for about an hour now. I figure she can stay in there till its lunch time and if its not cleaned by then she can eat lunch take a nap and then go back to picking up, or pretending to pick up, whichever. So here I sit feeding worm listening to America's 3 loudest kids and trying to enjoy a few minutes of not having kids under my feet. Its jot working but I'm trying lol.
Well I'm off here. Im going to attempt to get my house cleaned today. Realistically the living room might get done along with some laundry but I can hope can't I? 
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Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Y'all may think I'm crazy but...

The original owners of this house are both dead. The old man, Rayfield, died here and the old woman, Shirley, died a few weeks later at a nursing home. I have noticed weird things since moving in here but it wasn't often or anything that couldn't be explained away so i never mentioned it to anyone and ignored it. Well over the years things have become more obvious and a lot harder to ignore, to the point the kids are noticing it. I'll start with the hallway light. It will flicker on and off randomly when its on, first thought is its an electrical problem right?  Nope, had it checked and there's no problem with the wiring or anything. The odd thing about the light though is when someone in the house is mad or upset it will flicker more rapidly or shut off all together and once the person or people are calm it will turn back on. The smoke alarm is hard wired into the wall with a battery backup and it beeps like the battery is dying in it. I changed the battery in it 3 different times and it still beeps. Not all the time bit often enough for it to be annoying. Now the master bathroom light is starting to do the same thing as the hall light. The hallway and the master bathroom aren't on the same switch in the breaker box so its not like they are connected to say its electrical. I have a recliner in the living room that I sit in and it faces the hallway so I can see down the hall and know where the kids are. I have seen a shadow in the hall going from the master bedroom and come down the hall and then its gone. It has also gone from the hall bathroom to the master bedroom. This has happened when i was here alone with just worm, late at night while everyone is asleep but me and worm and while everyone was awake and moving around. I have never found anything when i went to see what or who it was. While sitting outside I have seen shadows go in front of the window when there was no one in the house and the blinds have moved when no one was inside. There is a sense of someone watching you sometimes but no one is ever there. Now I know a this makes me sound like a total wack job but here's the one thing that made me stop dead and kind of silently freak out. Miss priss and monster were bugging me to go outside one day so i told them to get their shoes on and yelled for Bub. He didn't respond so i got up to go find him. I found him sitting in his floor white as a sheet holding his chest. I asked him what was wrong and he looked at me terrified with tears in his eyes and told me "I feel the old mans pain. Its in his chest and i couldn't breathe."  I asked him what he was talking about and he told me "ray, his heart hurt and he couldn't breathe and i felt it. I got really cold and then I felt it."  He has never been told who lived here or that ray died here or how he died, which was from a heart attack in the master bedroom. None of the kids will go into a dark room alone here and miss priss won't go in the house unless someone is inside already or someone goes with her and I'm starting to wonder if this is why worm prefers to be outside so much. Call me crazy but I have no other way to explain what's going on other than I think ray is hanging around. Perfectly harmless but uber creepy.
Well worm is yelling for me and its getting late. If i don't get a chance to update tomorrow have a happy 4th and be safe.
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