Friday, May 4, 2012

I hate you right now...

If you aren't pregnant I hate you right now lol.  I am to the point I hate everyone to be honest with you.  I swear I feel like I have a bowling ball in my vagina, except the bowling ball moves...A LOT!!!  He's low enough now that every time he moves it feels like I am being cunt punched from the inside.  Not a good feeling AT ALL!!!  I have also come to realize that god plays a cruel joke on pregnant women in the last trimester.  Hear me out on this one...the last few weeks you stay exhausted from growing a human for the last 9 months, all you want to do is sleep and as soon as your head hits the pillow you are expecting to pass right out into a peaceful slumber.  WRONG!!  You lay down and it takes 20 minutes to get comfortable and by the time you FINALLY find that comfy spot you have to get up to pee or you get a leg cramp or baby starts kicking you and it hurts.  What is the one thing every one tells you to do when you are pregnant, especially close to the end?  Rest/sleep as much as you can because once baby gets here you won't be doing much of either one!  Well sweetheart lemme tell ya, I'm not getting much of either one now!  Not to say that I don't appreciate the concern or the advice because I totally do, I'm just uber bitchy right now lol.

My ankles have officially disappeared.  This upsets me more than the fact that I haven't seen my feet in 4 months.  I have cankles!!!!   I know they will go away after I have this little leech but right now, it's quite upsetting :(.  What makes it worse is I already have big legs, now it looks like I have tree trunks for legs.  But all this swelling has made me promise myself never to complain about how big my legs are again.

I also want to address all of you belly rubbers out there.  Those of you that just have to rub a pregnant woman's belly while you are standing in line at the store, or wherever you are.  OK, so I don't mind when someone I know touches my belly, but if I don't know you don't touch my belly.  The next person that rubs my belly is going to pull back a bloody stump, and no I won't give you your hand back to have it reattached, chances are I'm hungry it it will make a nice snack anyway!  I totally understand that pregnant bellies are cute and who doesn't want to feel a baby kicking in mommies belly?  The first few times this happens you smile and let it go, its sweet that a total stranger finds the miracle of of your pregnancy beautiful and exciting, and the sweet compliments on how you are glowing and you look so good to be X weeks along.  After that it's just annoying.  I don't want to hear "oh it must be twins" or "any day now huh" or "oh your glowing"  No darlin, its one baby, I'm not due for a few more weeks and that's not me glowing that's sweat because its hotter than hell in here!

Getting up has become a chore.  I sound like a dying walrus eating a big bowl of rice crispies when i stand up.  My bones snap crackle and pop and i emit grunts and groans i never knew i could make.  It's a huge pain in the ass and having to pee every 10 seconds doesn't help at all.  That has become a game of 'how long can I hold it' because it involves having to get up to actually go to the bathroom and then you have to sit on the toilet and get up again when your done.  I have given serious thought to putting a mini fridge in the bathroom and just spending the rest of this pregnancy sitting on the pot so I don't have to get up and walk to the bathroom so often.  Too bad the bathroom is too small for a fridge, damn it!  Huge tip to those of you that are currently pregnant, but haven't made it to the last trimester yet, buy the fluffy stuff.  Don't go buying John Wayne toilet paper, you will totally regret it if you do!

Well ya'll I have been sitting here for awhile now and I have things to do today(if i can get my ass in gear that is), so I am off here for a bit.  Going to take my daughter to go see m gma here soon.  As always, comments are always welcome and please follow my page <3


  1. *giggles* i rubbed your belly.. i was the crazy lady in walmart rubbing the baby.. but he didnt kick.. blasted baby is stubborn already :P yes... 3rd trimester was the worst.. i dont care what anyone says. it sucks! lol its almost over and its all worth it.. keep reminding yorself of that ;)

  2. K so one you know me do I guess I would be immune to the while belly rubbing thing...2 I've already got a bet running in my head on you complaining about your legs... LOL hey what can I say, I know you well enough to know it will happen...3rd you may be sweating but you're still beautiful... My opinion so you can't argue