Vagina holes....

Yes, you read that right.  Vagina hole was the topic of conversation in my house the other day.  It was....um...interesting?  It started with Kira, she had picture day at school Monday, which I forgot about until the last minute.  Which means that I had her trying on clothes Sunday in an attempt to find her something that would look decent.  I had given her a black skirt to try on and, for once, she did without fighting me.  She comes prancing into the kitchen with this black skirt on and tells me "mommy theres a hole in it."  Great, the one thing that I thought would fit her without her looking like a prosti-tot and its got a damn hole in it!  So I asked her where the hole was and she pointed to what looked like the bottom of her skirt(it was just above her knees).  I looked and didn't see a hole.  About the time I finished looking for this mystery hole she whispers "not there....THERE!"  she bends over like shes trying to stick her head up her own butt and points to her vagina.  I stifled my laugh and told her, "well yes, there is a hole there, its supposed to be there."  "OH MY GAWD MY VAGINA HAS A HOLE IN IT!! ITS BROKEN!!!"  Let me tell you, it was INCREDIBLY hard not to laugh at this point.  Here she is standing in my kitchen, bent over in half with her head under her skirt yelling about her vagina being broken.  I have said it before and I am saying it again now.  Some days I am not mature enough for this parenting shit.  So the following conversation is what took place.
"No, its not broken.  Its supposed to be there."
"Why?"
"*sighs* because that's where women have babies from."
-----long pause-----
"I CAME OUT OF YOUR VAGINA!!!!!"
Of course this is the exact moment Kaden decided to walk into the room.  He was in his own little world as usual and as soon as she yelled that he stopped, looked at her with a look of disgust, looked at me and promptly "EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! Did I come out of your vagina too?!?!"
Oh dear God.  Why do my kids have to ask such weird questions?  They do have a dad they can ask too ya know.  Why does it ALWAYS have to be me?!
"Yes Kaden, all of you came out of my vagina."
"How?"
Kira of course has an answer for this one.
"I have a hole in my vagina and babies come from it. I am NEVER having a baby."
"You have vagina hole?!  I have a hole in my penis, its for pee to come out, does pee come out of that hole?"
"No, that's a different hole.'
Kira- "I have TWO vagina holes?!"
"Yes Kira, there are two holes down there,  one for pee and one for when you have a baby."
Kaden- "That is SO gross."

This conversation went on for FAR longer than I was comfortable with and I REALLY didn't want to be part of it.  The conclusion they finally came to was; Its weird that girls have 3 holes down there and boys only have 2.  Its completely gross that they came out of my vagina hole.  Kira is never having a baby. And they learned a new term....vagina hole.  This has been the main topic of conversation in my house since Sunday.  I am sooooo over hearing the term 'vagina hole'.  I am all for kids knowing about anatomy, and i will ALWAYS answer any questions they have, but I really wish they could start off with some easy ones.  Of course this whole vagina hole thing led into today's conversation with Kira while I was in the shower.  I have had plenty of conversations through the shower curtain, and I realized today my kids like to ask me the awkward questions while I'm in the shower.  I think they know they have me cornered and I'll have to answer them.  So, I decided that I was going to attempt to grab a quick shower this morning while Sy was content playing in his exersaucer and Kira was mesmerized by Super Why.  Probably not my brightest moment of the day since its rarely a good idea to leave Kira without supervision, but I desperately needed to take a shower and wake up some.  So I told her I was going to shower and I would be done by the time her show went off and to just sit there and watch TV.  She half ass nodded at me to let me know she heard me talking but didn't really process the words that came out of my mouth.  I grabbed a towel and got in the shower, leaving the door open so I could hear them and pulling the curtain open a bit so I could see them through the crack in the door.  I peeked through the door and saw that they hadn't moved and started washing my hair.  I actually got through shampooing without any interruptions woohoo!!  I rinsed and looked through the crack again and found them sitting contently and, thinking I was actually going to make it through an ENTIRE shower without someone needing something, I started to condition my hair.  That's when I heard "Mommy?" UGH!  This is what I get for thinking I suppose.  "What Kira?"  "What are these?" She sticks her little hand into the shower and grasped in it are a hand full of my tampons.  Are You Fucking Kidding Me?!  Praying that I could get away with a simple answer I told her "Those are tampons."
"What are tampons?"
"Cotton tubes?"
"What are they for?"
DAMN IT!!!
"For when a woman is on her period..."
"Whats a period?"
Of course shes not going to just leave it at that!
"Its when a woman bleeds from her vagina."
"From her vagina hole?"
"Yes."
"The one babies come from or the one you pee from?"
"The one babies come from."
"If babies come from there why does it bleed?"
"You don't bleed when you are pregnant, only when you aren't."
"Why do you bleed?"
Damn her and her interrogation!  I just wanted a 10 minute shower!
"Its complicated."
"Why?"
"Because it is."
"So...why does blood come from your vagina hole?"
"Because women have something called a uterus, once a month our bodies have an egg that goes into our uterus from something called an ovary, then it stick itself to the uterus.  If it doesn't get fertilized to become a baby our body gets rid of it so we bleed."
"We have eggs?  Like chickens?"
"No, not like chickens."
"OK."

I swear to God, this kid asks me a million questions a day!  I don't mind answering them but good lord gimme some easy ones once in awhile please.

Well my loves, I have to help the boys do homework so I have to run.  As always comments are always welcome and please share my page with your friends <3.

Easter Sunday

I'm going to make this fairly short because its 230am and if i don't get some sleep soon tomorrow I'm going to be a total zombie(not the flesh eating kind) no matter how much coffee and Dr pepper I drink.
First,I'm doing this from my stupid smart phone so excuse my errors.
Happy belated zombie Jesus day to you my lovelies :).  The kids had a good Easter despite monster feeling crappy and running a fever of 101.7 by noon. No idea what's going on there, I was hoping it was just allergies but with the fever i have serious doubts that's what it is. But thank god for memaws!  He's at her house just in case he's got the creepy crude again. Fatties white cell count is still super low so I'm doing everything I can to keep him away from sick people. Breaks my heart to send my kids to my moms when they are sick but I know they are well taken care of and spoiled rotten. Hell, I still want to go to my moms when I'm sick! Lol. Anyways, I was writing this for y'all to 1) laugh at me/with me and 2) for y'all to see a little of what happens when you rarely sleep.
I cooked Easter dinner and managed to pull it off with no disasters, and typically i have at least one when it comes to cooking food on a holiday. Not sure why but it happens every time without fail. I'll have to tell you about Christmas last year sometime. But anyway, i made it all the way through cooking dinner without incident, yay me, and after making the older 3 plates I made plates for me and fatty. Sat down and gave him his first bite of ham(he wasn't sure about it at first then he was screaming at me between bites for more lol) and took a bite of my food, then I realized I forgot to pit salt and pepper on my potatoes and asked A to hand me the shakers. Now, let me tell you something about these salt and pepper shakers. These things were my grandparents and they got them when my dad was 5,he's 52 now, so they are 47 year old salt and pepper shakers. SOLID and HEAVY. I can not begin to tell you how many times these things have been dropped. Well, A hands them to me and has both of them in one hand. I grab them and before i had a good grip of them he let go. The pepper shaker dropped onto Garth's place and breaks the damn thing into 3 big pieces and a million tiny ones. Then the shaker bounces off the shattered plate and lands on the floor. It didn't break!  I knew it wouldn't but there's still that fear that it will since its so old.  Anyway, I laughed a little about it and cleaned it up and opened the dishwasher to grab another small plate for fatty. Apparently the dry cycle on the dishwasher lasts longer than I thought because when i grabbed the place it was hot. But fatty was screaming and I was starving so I sat it on the counter in front of the microwave and put mashed potatoes and green beans on it. I turned to grab a little slice of ham and the damn plate jumped off the counter and into the floor. Of course it shattered and glass and food went flying all over the place. I lost it. I stood there laughing so hard i couldn't breathe and had tears rolling down my face. Everyone is looking at me like I had finally lost my mind and that just made me laugh harder. I eventually stopped laughing so hard and got it all cleaned up and then from the living room I heard "are you fucking kidding me?!  I just tracked mashed potatoes across the living room!  Damn it!!"  Those words sent me into another laughing fit. I'm telling y'all I've lost my mind. And I am currently trying to finish typing this with one eye closed so I'm going to end it here.

As always comments are always welcome and please share my page with your friends <3

Lol oh the drama

I almost died laughing tonight!   I was standing out at the van talking to A and S and out of nowhere this kid(couldn't have been older than 18) came running past the driveway. That isn't uncommon around here since we live on a fairly busy road so I didn't think anything of it. At least not until I heard "stop! Get on the ground!"  The kid literally dropped to the ground in the grass next to my driveway and I peeked around the back end of the car next to tthe van in enough time to see him sitting there trying to stand ul with his hands cuffed behind his back and then the cop tackled him. I was like what the fuck just happened here?!  The cop was yelling at this kid to stay still and stay down. I have to say the kid put up a decent struggle but with a 180lb man pinning him down cuffed with his face in the dirt he really didn't have much of a chance haha. Out of nowhere 3 cop cars come rolling up and another cop gets out of one of them cussing a blue streak and opens the back door and frisks the kid while the other cop holds him, face on the trunk. The kid is still trying to get away and all its doing is pissing the cops off more, and making me laugh harder. He goes through all his pockets and puts it all on the trunk and the next thing I hear is "seriously all he has on his is a hamburger bun and a lighter? What the fuck is this shit?" This made me laugh even harder and earned me a dirty look from the cop that had just got out of one of the other cars. Once they got the kid loaded into the car in his pretty silver bracelets and anklets the cop who was chasing him walked over to us and was like "sorry about that the slippery little bastard got away from us a few blocks away."  I told him I had to admit he seemed to have put up a good fight and I've got to give it to him for manumit that far in cuffs. But next time yell I'm a cop catch that guy and I'll trip him!  He told me man i was yelling all kinds of shit at him. Told him I would taze him, my tazer is in the car. Told him I would get the dogs on him, I don't have a damn dog. Told him I would shoot, can't shoot he didn't have a weapon drawn on me. I lost it. He just looked at me. What do you even say to that?!  He asked for the address to put it in his report and left. Ah, never a boring weekend around here.
well loves its 230 in the morning and I need to sleep. As always comments are always welcome and please share my page <3