Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Vagina holes....

Yes, you read that right.  Vagina hole was the topic of conversation in my house the other day.  It was....um...interesting?  It started with Kira, she had picture day at school Monday, which I forgot about until the last minute.  Which means that I had her trying on clothes Sunday in an attempt to find her something that would look decent.  I had given her a black skirt to try on and, for once, she did without fighting me.  She comes prancing into the kitchen with this black skirt on and tells me "mommy theres a hole in it."  Great, the one thing that I thought would fit her without her looking like a prosti-tot and its got a damn hole in it!  So I asked her where the hole was and she pointed to what looked like the bottom of her skirt(it was just above her knees).  I looked and didn't see a hole.  About the time I finished looking for this mystery hole she whispers "not there....THERE!"  she bends over like shes trying to stick her head up her own butt and points to her vagina.  I stifled my laugh and told her, "well yes, there is a hole there, its supposed to be there."  "OH MY GAWD MY VAGINA HAS A HOLE IN IT!! ITS BROKEN!!!"  Let me tell you, it was INCREDIBLY hard not to laugh at this point.  Here she is standing in my kitchen, bent over in half with her head under her skirt yelling about her vagina being broken.  I have said it before and I am saying it again now.  Some days I am not mature enough for this parenting shit.  So the following conversation is what took place.
"No, its not broken.  Its supposed to be there."
"*sighs* because that's where women have babies from."
-----long pause-----
Of course this is the exact moment Kaden decided to walk into the room.  He was in his own little world as usual and as soon as she yelled that he stopped, looked at her with a look of disgust, looked at me and promptly "EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! Did I come out of your vagina too?!?!"
Oh dear God.  Why do my kids have to ask such weird questions?  They do have a dad they can ask too ya know.  Why does it ALWAYS have to be me?!
"Yes Kaden, all of you came out of my vagina."
Kira of course has an answer for this one.
"I have a hole in my vagina and babies come from it. I am NEVER having a baby."
"You have vagina hole?!  I have a hole in my penis, its for pee to come out, does pee come out of that hole?"
"No, that's a different hole.'
Kira- "I have TWO vagina holes?!"
"Yes Kira, there are two holes down there,  one for pee and one for when you have a baby."
Kaden- "That is SO gross."

This conversation went on for FAR longer than I was comfortable with and I REALLY didn't want to be part of it.  The conclusion they finally came to was; Its weird that girls have 3 holes down there and boys only have 2.  Its completely gross that they came out of my vagina hole.  Kira is never having a baby. And they learned a new term....vagina hole.  This has been the main topic of conversation in my house since Sunday.  I am sooooo over hearing the term 'vagina hole'.  I am all for kids knowing about anatomy, and i will ALWAYS answer any questions they have, but I really wish they could start off with some easy ones.  Of course this whole vagina hole thing led into today's conversation with Kira while I was in the shower.  I have had plenty of conversations through the shower curtain, and I realized today my kids like to ask me the awkward questions while I'm in the shower.  I think they know they have me cornered and I'll have to answer them.  So, I decided that I was going to attempt to grab a quick shower this morning while Sy was content playing in his exersaucer and Kira was mesmerized by Super Why.  Probably not my brightest moment of the day since its rarely a good idea to leave Kira without supervision, but I desperately needed to take a shower and wake up some.  So I told her I was going to shower and I would be done by the time her show went off and to just sit there and watch TV.  She half ass nodded at me to let me know she heard me talking but didn't really process the words that came out of my mouth.  I grabbed a towel and got in the shower, leaving the door open so I could hear them and pulling the curtain open a bit so I could see them through the crack in the door.  I peeked through the door and saw that they hadn't moved and started washing my hair.  I actually got through shampooing without any interruptions woohoo!!  I rinsed and looked through the crack again and found them sitting contently and, thinking I was actually going to make it through an ENTIRE shower without someone needing something, I started to condition my hair.  That's when I heard "Mommy?" UGH!  This is what I get for thinking I suppose.  "What Kira?"  "What are these?" She sticks her little hand into the shower and grasped in it are a hand full of my tampons.  Are You Fucking Kidding Me?!  Praying that I could get away with a simple answer I told her "Those are tampons."
"What are tampons?"
"Cotton tubes?"
"What are they for?"
"For when a woman is on her period..."
"Whats a period?"
Of course shes not going to just leave it at that!
"Its when a woman bleeds from her vagina."
"From her vagina hole?"
"The one babies come from or the one you pee from?"
"The one babies come from."
"If babies come from there why does it bleed?"
"You don't bleed when you are pregnant, only when you aren't."
"Why do you bleed?"
Damn her and her interrogation!  I just wanted a 10 minute shower!
"Its complicated."
"Because it is."
"So...why does blood come from your vagina hole?"
"Because women have something called a uterus, once a month our bodies have an egg that goes into our uterus from something called an ovary, then it stick itself to the uterus.  If it doesn't get fertilized to become a baby our body gets rid of it so we bleed."
"We have eggs?  Like chickens?"
"No, not like chickens."

I swear to God, this kid asks me a million questions a day!  I don't mind answering them but good lord gimme some easy ones once in awhile please.

Well my loves, I have to help the boys do homework so I have to run.  As always comments are always welcome and please share my page with your friends <3.

1 comment:

  1. Lol mine keep asking me how the baby got in my belly and how it's getting out... delightful isnt it ;)