Children are tiny terrorists...and other things

I have come to realize that my kids are just little terrorists, especially in the younger years.  They all seem to think that the adults in their lives will give into any and all demands made.  If they don't get what they want what happens?  This cute little child transforms into this demon spawn right before your eyes!  It's actually pretty amazing how it happens.  Here's an example.

I had to go to the store to pick up what I needed for dinner.  Since it was the middle of the day I only had 2 kids with me, Sy and Kira and I figured it would be far easier to take 2 kids mid day than it would to take 4 kids in the later afternoon.  So I packed us all into the car and we set off for the store.  On the way there I gave my usual speech.  "I expect you to be on your best behavior.  No running around or wondering off, you need to stay with me.  Don't ask for anything, the answer is no, no matter what it is you are asking me to buy.  Understand?"  From the back of the van I hear "Yes I understand."  Great!  Maybe this won't be nearly as bad as I am expecting it to me.  HA!  We pull into a parking spot and I open the van door and in my best mommy voice "Remember what I said."  She nods her head as she jumps out and we get Sy and head in.  Everything was going great until we got to the cereal aisle.

"Mommy, can we get this?  It's my favorite!"

"Didn't I tell you not to ask me for anything?"

"Yes but....."
"No buts.  No we aren't getting that, I have 12 boxes of cereal at home already and I'm not buying any more until those are gone."(Yes I actually had 12 boxes of cereal at home, I buy on sale with coupons and stock up on them since they can eat an entire box in like 2 days.)

"But..."
"NO!"

·         At this point she's mad. This is when the transformation happened.  She was being so good up to this point, now I have a little demon spawn on my hands.  Any seasoned mom can tell you they KNOW when this change happens.  She started to frown, then she looked down at the floor and crossed her arms.  She knows better than to start screaming and yelling because that will earn her a swift smack on the ass, but you can see that she is seriously contemplating it.  I mean at this point she knows she's already in trouble and you can almost see her weighing the options in her head.  I stood there waiting on her to stop pouting, I have all the time in the world and she's not going to stand there long, she never does.  When she finally decides to stop staring at the floor she looks up and her brows are drawn, a scowl on her face and giving me a look that said "Bitch you will pay for this."  I know that look all too well, not only do I see it on a regular basis, but I have been known to give the same one more than a few times.   Ask my mom, I was a pro at that look when I was a kid.  Knowing that this shopping trip had gone to hell I grabbed her hand and set off to finish getting what I needed so we could get out of there as quickly as possible.  She was resistant and complained about how fast I was walking and that her legs were tired, she was tired, she wanted something to drink, and pretty much every other thing she could think of.  As we reached the back of the store she saw the lunchables, now I will usually pick one up for whichever kid is with me, provided they haven't been a pain in the ass.  She decided to take it upon herself to walk over to them and pick one out!  Um....no.  I took it out of the cart and put it back and told her she wasn't getting one because she wasn't behaving like she was supposed to and that I don't reward ugly behavior.  Well, that pissed her off!  She stomped her foot and demanded that I get her one.  HAHAHA!  That wasn't going to happen.  But now I had a problem.  I could stand there and try to reason with her, I could leave everything where it was and walk out, or I could bust her butt and adjust her attitude and finish my shopping.  As you all know I do spank my kids, but I rarely do it in public for fear that some nosey person is going to call the cops on me for disciplining my kids in a way that they don't agree with, so that option is only used as a last resort.  I knew this wasn't going to be pretty but I didn't think it was time to use my last resort yet.  I didn't want to be rude and leave a basket full of groceries there for some poor should to have to restock them all, so I opted to try reasoning. 

"You need to stop acting like that and behave before you get into some serious trouble."

"I want a lunchable."

"I'm sorry you want a lunchable but you aren't getting one, I wanted you to behave but I didn't get what I so you aren't getting what you want."

"But I want..."

"Kira I said no, now let's go."

She stood there glaring at me, daring me to do something.  I hate it when my kids do that shit.  It's like they know they are embarrassing me and don't care.  I mean I know they don't care, they are kids, but it's nice to think that they might.  I grabbed her by her upper arm and escorted her to the front of the store, forgetting that I still needed to get butter and milk, and got in line.  She was crying by this point, kind of making a scene, and the longer she went on the madder I was getting.  I can usually ignore her outbursts at home, I send her to her room to calm herself down(and for me to calm down) and then I go in and handle it however I need to.  While we were standing in line she had the nerve to ask me if she could get gum!  As wrong as it is, I laughed and told her no.  I didn't give her an explanation, I just said no and left it at that.  Five minutes later we were in the car an on the way home.  She was still pissed and sniffling in the backseat and I was pissed.  I sent her to her room as soon as we got home as punishment and went in and talked to her about a half hour later. 

This is what I am talking about, they will do whatever they have to, to attempt to get what they want.  Tiny terrorists.  Don't ever take no for an answer, have no mercy and will make the most insane demands.  I have to negotiate with at least one child a day.  Ten years ago I would have laughed at the thought of having to debate with a five year old.  I always swore my kids wouldn't be like that.  I knew that my kids wouldn't be the terrors in the store that everyone would stare at and judge my parenting.  Now that I have four kids I know that it's not always the parenting, it's the kid being a kid.  I discipline my kids, and for the most part they are very well behaved, especially when mom isn't around, but they have their moments when they decide to defy me and act like they don't have brains between their ears.  They want to see exactly how much they can get away with and how far they can push me.  They do the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome, which isn't always the brightest idea.  I have never given in to their demands so I'm not sure why they think that imp going to now, but they all try it from time to time.  I think their goal is to see if they can actually make me pull my hair out.  Bub is way better than he was before, probably because after nine years of trying he's finally realized that I am not going to give in.  Kaden is getting better, he's a whiner and he does it because he knows it drives me insane.  Kira is by far the worst of them, she has a stubborn streak in her that would drive a preacher to cuss.  I'm quite curious to see how Sy will be, I have hopes that he will see how it doesn't work for eh older 3 and not even bother to try.  Yeah, I know, not a chance in hell.  But I have to have hope.  It's all I've got some days. 

Onto other things.  I dyed my hair not too long ago.  I was going for a crimson red and ended up with a bubble gum pink on top that fades into a crimson red on the bottom.  Not the look I was going for, but I'm rocking it anyway.  I had to strip all the color out of my hair before I could try to do the red since I have been dying it black for the past 2 years and black is a really hard color to cover, the stripping went OK....I saw my natural color for the first time in 13 years, which is blond, and remembered why I started dying my hair to begin with.  What sucked was that the color on the bottom didn't strip out as well as it did on top and that's how I ended up with pink hair.  I think I'm going to keep it this way for awhile and maybe do a purple or a blue next time.  Fuck it, if I'm going to do it I may as well stand out right?  I won't be able to pull it off for much longer, I'm getting way too close to 30 to be rocking loud ass colors. 

Both my older boys are in baseball this season.  Bub is loving it and doing amazing for his first year.  Kaden hates it because it isn't real baseball so he's usually off in his own little world when he's out on the field.  I find this slightly amusing since Bub didn't want to play baseball at all and Kaden REALLY wanted to.  Now Bub is talking about wanting to play in the fall and Kaden is saying he wants to play soccer.  I love that they want to play sports, but as it stands right now they have practice Monday through Thursday on alternating days and either a game or practice on Saturdays.  If Kaden decides to play soccer that means 2 different places for practice and games and with my luck they will have practice at the same time on the same day.  But whatever, as long as they are happy that's all that matters right?

A little update on Sy since I haven't give y'all one in awhile.  We went to the ped for his 9 month appointment and he was 15lbs 5.5oz and doing good with his growth, he was FINALLY on the chart for his height for weight! Then we went to the GI Dr 3 days later and he was  15lbs 2oz.  He lost weight UGH!!  Now, here's the problem with the weight loss.  He is weighed at his ped without a diaper on and with it on at the GI Dr.  So there should have been a weight GAIN with a diaper on, even if it was just the weight of the diaper.  I wasn't expecting that shit at all.  He's always had a hard time gaining weight but he's never lost weight before.  This opens up a whole new world of shit.  But for the moment they are waiting to do anything else until he goes to endo.  He's got a weight check soon and if he's lost more weight that will change things, but I am hoping that he's gained.  If not gained I hope that he's at least stayed the same.  He started therapy a few weeks ago.  He's got fine and gross motor delays and a speech delay so we are working on that.  I have seen a HUGE difference in what he can do since he started.  He can now sit himself up from laying down, and he pulled up on his own today for the first time without help!!!  I cannot tell you how proud of him I am!  He's also started waving bye bye and is attempting to clap.  I know these things don't sound like much but for him it's pretty huge since he was so delayed a few weeks ago.  He's still got quite a way to go before he's where he should be but it's a start.  I expected him to have delays from the beginning because of all the issues he's had, so when they told me that he was behind it wasn't a shock.  But I didn't expect him to be as behind as he was.  With all the weight issues he was having he was malnourished, which is bad for babies and kids because it can stunt development.  His speech is still really delayed, but he's now babbling way more than he was before.  He says mama and dada but neither one have any meaning.  By now he should be saying more than one syllable "words" and have at least two words with meaning.  He's getting there though. 

Well my loves, it's getting late and I need to attempt to get some sleep, I've had a hard time sleeping lately for some reason.  As always comments are always welcome and please share my page with your friends <3

Vagina holes....

Yes, you read that right.  Vagina hole was the topic of conversation in my house the other day.  It was....um...interesting?  It started with Kira, she had picture day at school Monday, which I forgot about until the last minute.  Which means that I had her trying on clothes Sunday in an attempt to find her something that would look decent.  I had given her a black skirt to try on and, for once, she did without fighting me.  She comes prancing into the kitchen with this black skirt on and tells me "mommy theres a hole in it."  Great, the one thing that I thought would fit her without her looking like a prosti-tot and its got a damn hole in it!  So I asked her where the hole was and she pointed to what looked like the bottom of her skirt(it was just above her knees).  I looked and didn't see a hole.  About the time I finished looking for this mystery hole she whispers "not there....THERE!"  she bends over like shes trying to stick her head up her own butt and points to her vagina.  I stifled my laugh and told her, "well yes, there is a hole there, its supposed to be there."  "OH MY GAWD MY VAGINA HAS A HOLE IN IT!! ITS BROKEN!!!"  Let me tell you, it was INCREDIBLY hard not to laugh at this point.  Here she is standing in my kitchen, bent over in half with her head under her skirt yelling about her vagina being broken.  I have said it before and I am saying it again now.  Some days I am not mature enough for this parenting shit.  So the following conversation is what took place.
"No, its not broken.  Its supposed to be there."
"Why?"
"*sighs* because that's where women have babies from."
-----long pause-----
"I CAME OUT OF YOUR VAGINA!!!!!"
Of course this is the exact moment Kaden decided to walk into the room.  He was in his own little world as usual and as soon as she yelled that he stopped, looked at her with a look of disgust, looked at me and promptly "EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! Did I come out of your vagina too?!?!"
Oh dear God.  Why do my kids have to ask such weird questions?  They do have a dad they can ask too ya know.  Why does it ALWAYS have to be me?!
"Yes Kaden, all of you came out of my vagina."
"How?"
Kira of course has an answer for this one.
"I have a hole in my vagina and babies come from it. I am NEVER having a baby."
"You have vagina hole?!  I have a hole in my penis, its for pee to come out, does pee come out of that hole?"
"No, that's a different hole.'
Kira- "I have TWO vagina holes?!"
"Yes Kira, there are two holes down there,  one for pee and one for when you have a baby."
Kaden- "That is SO gross."

This conversation went on for FAR longer than I was comfortable with and I REALLY didn't want to be part of it.  The conclusion they finally came to was; Its weird that girls have 3 holes down there and boys only have 2.  Its completely gross that they came out of my vagina hole.  Kira is never having a baby. And they learned a new term....vagina hole.  This has been the main topic of conversation in my house since Sunday.  I am sooooo over hearing the term 'vagina hole'.  I am all for kids knowing about anatomy, and i will ALWAYS answer any questions they have, but I really wish they could start off with some easy ones.  Of course this whole vagina hole thing led into today's conversation with Kira while I was in the shower.  I have had plenty of conversations through the shower curtain, and I realized today my kids like to ask me the awkward questions while I'm in the shower.  I think they know they have me cornered and I'll have to answer them.  So, I decided that I was going to attempt to grab a quick shower this morning while Sy was content playing in his exersaucer and Kira was mesmerized by Super Why.  Probably not my brightest moment of the day since its rarely a good idea to leave Kira without supervision, but I desperately needed to take a shower and wake up some.  So I told her I was going to shower and I would be done by the time her show went off and to just sit there and watch TV.  She half ass nodded at me to let me know she heard me talking but didn't really process the words that came out of my mouth.  I grabbed a towel and got in the shower, leaving the door open so I could hear them and pulling the curtain open a bit so I could see them through the crack in the door.  I peeked through the door and saw that they hadn't moved and started washing my hair.  I actually got through shampooing without any interruptions woohoo!!  I rinsed and looked through the crack again and found them sitting contently and, thinking I was actually going to make it through an ENTIRE shower without someone needing something, I started to condition my hair.  That's when I heard "Mommy?" UGH!  This is what I get for thinking I suppose.  "What Kira?"  "What are these?" She sticks her little hand into the shower and grasped in it are a hand full of my tampons.  Are You Fucking Kidding Me?!  Praying that I could get away with a simple answer I told her "Those are tampons."
"What are tampons?"
"Cotton tubes?"
"What are they for?"
DAMN IT!!!
"For when a woman is on her period..."
"Whats a period?"
Of course shes not going to just leave it at that!
"Its when a woman bleeds from her vagina."
"From her vagina hole?"
"Yes."
"The one babies come from or the one you pee from?"
"The one babies come from."
"If babies come from there why does it bleed?"
"You don't bleed when you are pregnant, only when you aren't."
"Why do you bleed?"
Damn her and her interrogation!  I just wanted a 10 minute shower!
"Its complicated."
"Why?"
"Because it is."
"So...why does blood come from your vagina hole?"
"Because women have something called a uterus, once a month our bodies have an egg that goes into our uterus from something called an ovary, then it stick itself to the uterus.  If it doesn't get fertilized to become a baby our body gets rid of it so we bleed."
"We have eggs?  Like chickens?"
"No, not like chickens."
"OK."

I swear to God, this kid asks me a million questions a day!  I don't mind answering them but good lord gimme some easy ones once in awhile please.

Well my loves, I have to help the boys do homework so I have to run.  As always comments are always welcome and please share my page with your friends <3.

For once, I am speechless!

It isn't often that I lack for words, hardly ever actually, but my daughter managed to leave me without words, mouth open and completely disgusted recently.  Not because she had done anything wrong(for once lol) but because she has this opinion that women have to be skinny and wear makeup to be pretty.  Let me start from the beginning.  I was in the kitchen doing dishes when she ran into the room telling me I needed what they were selling on TV.  It isn't unusual for her to say she wants something but shes never told me I needed something shes seen on TV.  So I went into the living room and caught the very end of the commercial.  It was for weight loss pills!!!  I couldn't have formed words if my life had depended on it!  My brain went into stupid mode, the only thought I had was "where in the hell did she get this idea from?!"  That was the first time she said something about my weight to me, shes said a few other things since and she has also told me that I need to wear make up to be pretty.  Let me tell you, I am a little on the bigger side but only by about 20lbs or so.  I am in no way fat to the point of being unhealthy, but I will admit that I could stand to lose a few pounds.  I also refuse to wear make up.  I don't think that women should have to paint their faces like clowns to feel or be seen as pretty.  Nor do I do my hair or wear the mot fashionable clothes.  I don't have the time or the money for that shit and I am totally OK with it!  I don't walk around talking about weight or any of that other shit and I have NEVER said that a woman has to be/do any of those things to be pretty.  I would never in a million years tell my daughter that because its completely WRONG!!  This is part of what had led to today's rant.
Ladies, stop it.  I don't blame you entirely for this issue, but come one, do you really have to play into what the media wants you to believe?  Can you be happy with who you are without wanting to change something? You should be ale to look in the mirror without make up and your hair done and nice clothes on and be able to say "I am beautiful!"  Do it every morning as soon as you get out of bed, eventually you will believe yourself.  Go out one day a week without makeup on, and slowly increase it and one day you wont even worry about it at all.  Lets take back what the media has stolen from us, our self worth!  Women are portrayed as super skinny with huge boobs, perfect hair and make up and always wearing the best clothes.  Ladies, this is not reality for most of us!  This is not how we should think we have to be to be accepted!  Maybe if we stopped buying into it we wouldn't be portrayed like that anymore?  Why should I have to put on a gallon of makeup every morning just to be accepted by other people?  I think I am pretty enough without it.  Why do I have to spend 3 hours doing my hair when I am fine with it up in a ponytail?  To give other people something to look at?  I don't have $200 to spend on an outfit, hell I could get an entire  wardrobe for that!  But society says I have to wear the name brands and the latest fashions to be accepted.  Fuck that!  I am totally fine with my old jeans(which are finally comfortable 5 years later) and a t-shirt that doesn't have some random stain on it from one of my kids.  Heels?  Fuck you buddy!  i am wearing my flip flops and you should consider yourself lucky that I even put those on.  Make up and hair?  I'm lucky I had time to brush it this morning and don't have any cheerios or spit up in it!  Make up, right because between diapers, school bull shit, new clothes/shoes for the kids and all the household bills I have left over money for that(and if I did I damn sure wouldn't be spending it on that crap!).  I love how I look and I don't think anyone should tell me that I shouldn't.  Or any of you for that matter.  We should all embrace who we are inside and out and not worry about what other people think about us.  After all, its whats on the inside that counts anyway right?  If that's what we all preach and that's what we are all suppose to believe then why do we place so much on loos anyway?  I don't give a flying fuck what you look like as long as you are a nice person.  Actually, some of the most made up, dolled up, skinniest people are the biggest assholes that I have ever had the misfortune to meet.  I honestly don't know what else to say on this subject other than just stop it.  Be who you are and be proud of what you look like, embrace your flaws and stop letting the media/society dictate what you should look like.

As always comments are welcome and please share my page with your friends <3